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Stubby Candles

Board Meeting of Editors of StubbyCandles.com

Some of you may remember Stubby Candles, self-described involuntary philanthropist and the original 'Cranky Yankee.' Stubby started out as custodian for the Institute Of Higher Earning where his first job was to take out the pips. (sorry)

One weekend after accidentally locking himself in a room with the Institute's Dubya-911 supercomputer, Stubby used the time to conduct some research on the Forex market and came to a ground-breaking realization, one that will no doubt create an entire new generation of millionaires.

Stubby discovered (and may submit to The Journal of Irreproducible Results) that on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, the Forex currency market goes UP and DOWN and UP and DOWN, whereas on Tuesdays and Thursdays it goes DOWN and UP and DOWN and UP. It was this seminal research that led the Institute to develop their daily Forex forecast services.

To honor Stubby's accomplishment he was soon promoted to Head of Shipping & Receiving. Since the Institute is a 100% Internet business, Stubby never had to ship or receive anything. As a consequence, he's had a lot of time on his hands, some of which he used to come up with the indicators at Forex Made Difficult, a site that seems to have been getting some recent mention on Forex blogs and bulletin boards.

Before you know it, Stubby wanted his very own web site. But because he's far enough to the ideological right to make Barry Goldwater look like Nancy Pelosi, the Institute figured it might be better to let Stubby build his own site (and preferably host it somewhere far away).

Here at StubbyCandles.com you will find Stubby's poems, articles, rants, raves and other interesting stuff we're sure you'll find it worth your time to explore. Of course, some of it is so politically incorrect you may need to print it out and read it under the covers with a flashlight, but please don't allow that deter you.

While you're here, be sure to check out 'real economic news' for things going on in the economy that you won't hear about from the Money Honeys on MSNBC, or from the evening 'news' casters on the CIABCNNBCBS television network.

Without further ado, let's...
 

Meet Stubby

They say a Republican is a Democrat who got mugged. That makes a Libertarian a Republican who got mugged. Mug a Libertarian and you get a Constitutionalist. Mug a Constitutionalist and you end up with Stubby Candles, last seen drifting to the right of Lysander Spooner. Any farther to the right and he just might loop clean back around and bump into Nancy Pelosi!

Stubby Candles was born when Truman was still in the White House and knows a wooden nickel when he sees one.

A recipient of the Daughters of the American Revolution award in an era when presidents could still spell 'Constitution,' Stubby is a diehard New Englander who wouldn't be caught dead wearing thermal underwear.

Educated at Andover Academy where he breathed (but did not inhale) some of the rarified air exhaled by upper classman Gee Dubya Bush, Stubby matriculated to Big City University as a pre-med student where he feverishly burnt the midnight oil studying -- the electric bass guitar.

After ___ years spent in libertine dissipation disciplined self-examination as a professional musician, Stubby proceeded to live life in reverse by retiring at the age of 30 before he was 'too old, too sick or too broke to enjoy it.'

Sensing 20 years later that it was time to come out of retirement and decide what he wanted to be when he grew up, Stubby immersed himself in the study of finance, econometrics, money flow and global macroeconomics, none of which, he soon realized, will ever make you a dime.

After memorizing every investment book he could find at a local Barnes & Noble bookstore (before being banned for loitering), Stubby began trading stocks. Then futures. Then back to stocks. Then options. Then baseball cards. Then back to options. Then he discovered the spot Forex currency market and to quote Robert Frost, 'that has made all the difference.'

These days Stubby divides his time between home schooling his children (whom he fears may be smarter than he is), listening with glee to morning commuter traffic reports from his hardened underground bunker deep behind Yankee lines in verdant Southern New Hampshire* where the license plate still reads, 'Live Free Or Die,' trading Forex, stocks, bonds, mutual funds and rare coins, and generally preparing for the final collapse of the 'dollar' when he can make some real money!

When Stubby reaches 70 he intends to grow his hair like Albert Einstein, officially declare Old Age (since eccentric septuagenarians pretty much get to do anything they like), and apply himself to the founding of a true Americanist university, the likes of which James Madison studied at under John Witherspoon.

In the meantime, he advises everyone to get out of debt, learn to speak Chinese and buy gold.

* The real New Hampshire doesn't begin until you get up north of the White Mountains. That's because Southern New Hampshire has become overrun with swarms of pudding-headed liberals who in recent years abandoned The People's Republic of Taxachusetts to take advantage of the Granite State's lack of sales or income tax and brought their bone-headed notions with them.

P.S. If you are a diagnosed liberal, please do not allow Stubby's deeply cherished yet quaintly conservative opinions prevent you from forming a deep and meaningful relationship with Stubby, who invites you to attempt to dissuade him from the timeless, logical principles laid down in Bastiat's The Law.