Low on dough?... Need a miracle?... How about a nice financial paradigm adjustment?

Welcome to Stubby Candles' Convenient One-Stop
Financial Conspiracy Theory Rest Area.

YOU HAVE REACHED the end of the financial internet containing the truth about paper money  and other super scary stuff about the economy you're not supposed to see.  Proceed at your own risk.  Seriously bummed?  Click here.

If you like money but are scared to really love it...
 Is money the root of all evil or just a significant improvement over poverty? Is the economy being manipulated by powerful, hidden forces? (want in on the action?)

Make Money Along With Stubby! Profit obscenely from the coming financial apocalypse, riding markets up and down for fabulous profits (offset by the occasional stomach-churning loss) as the global economy collapses all around you.

Watch In Sheer Amazement! ... as Stubby's most dire admonitions about finance, politics and the entire socio-tragicomic human condition come true.

Like Having a Financial Fantasy Theme Park In Your Own Home! Take your life savings on exciting rides like the lucrative Coaster of Doom (Wall Street).  Wander terrified through the Mansion of Monetary Mirrors (the Fed).  Experience Stubby's stomach-churning favorite, Magic Money Mountain (Forex).  Then take a spin on the Little Duckie Merry-Go-Round (CDs and index-matching mutual funds), the ever-popular choice of money managers committed to hanging onto their clients' money no matter how poor the performance!

Stubby Candles, P.C., D.J.     The man, the myth... but we repeat ourselves.


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Warm welcome message
Who is Stubby?

Is Stubby a capitalist?
Stubby writes for LaptopAmerica!

Meet the average
 small investor

Panic Along With Stubby!
Federal Reserve
Fiat Fate
Hyperinflation
National Debt
Peak Oil
Pension Crisis
Realty Bubble
Social (in)Security

The Mogambo is right.
The dollar really is freakin' doomed!!!
Buy Gold!

[Most Recent Quotes from www.kitco.com]

[Most Recent Quotes from www.kitco.com]

 [Most Recent Quotes from www.kitco.com]


So what did you expect to find on a Home page?


  [Most Recent RUSSELL from www.kitco.com]


Stock Market Lingo


If you're going to be a successful investor, it's imperative that you learn to speak the language. The following financial and investing terms have been compiled as a public service by Stubby Candles who never stops thinking of ways to serve you. How would you like to be cooked?

Bear Market
A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

"Buy, Buy"
A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.

Broker
What my broker has made me.

Bull Market
A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Cash Flow
The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

Call Option
Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.

CEO
Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO
Corporate Fraud Officer

Financial Planner
A guy who remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper.

Institutional Investor
Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

Market Correction
The day after you buy stocks.

Momentum Investing
The fine art of buying high and selling low.

P/E Ratio
The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

Profit
Religious guy who talks to God.

Standard & Poor
Your life in a nutshell.

Stock Analyst
Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

Stock Split
When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

Value Investing
The art of buying low and selling lower.

Windows 2006
What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

Yahoo
What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.