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Is Stubby a
capitalist?
The
Mogambo is right.
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"Karl Marx was a clever fellow who became so rich from always complaining about capitalism that he never had to get a real job!" — Stubby Candles
Stubby on Capitalism
Americans enjoy thinking of themselves as burgeoning capitalists which is why there is so much fuss, attention, awe and envy paid to the likes of Donald Trump. However, capitalism can best be defined as concentration of wealth in the hands of a few. Is capitalism in the best interests of the average American?
When capitalism is further concentrated you get corporatism which is concentration of wealth in the hands of a relatively small number of inbred elites running the world's biggest corporations, while moving in and out of positions in government like a motorized revolving door. Is corporatism in the best interests of the average American?
Corporatism leads to a form of government known as plutocracy, which is when, from a sufficiently high altitude as to be virtually invisible to the toiling lumpen, plutocrats (puppeteers) run the markets, the economy, the government schools, and the 'news' media, shoving their bought-and-paid-for politicians (marionettes) out onto center stage to argue about 'left vs. right,' 'liberal vs. conservative,' thereby creating the illusion of meaningful dialogue, including the 'choice' of which 'team' the public might best join up with. When the show's over, both teams meet in the locker room for drinks.
Stubby became wise to this racket long ago and decided he didn't want to support plutocracy. Stubby believes in a truly free market, unregulated by gubmint at any level.
The total absence of governmental interference in the marketplace is called laissez faire (also, free enterprise) and is the basis for how Stubby pays his children their allowance.
Which is to say that Stubby's children don't receive an allowance, which Stubby knows would be welfare 'entitlement' training at a young age. Rather than dole out unearned free cheese, Stubby has his children perform daily chores before they get a nickel.
Stubby believes strongly in properly educating one's children and uses everyday family interactions as potential teaching opportunities
"What did you do that for, Dad?", the little guy asked.
Whereupon Stubby proceeded to tender the gracious offer of free cheese once again, only to withdraw his hand at the last moment and take another bite -- a pretty good sized bite, actually -- explaining that this one was for the property tax.
"Hey, that's just not fair!," the now red faced and clearly frustrated youngster exclaimed.
"I couldn't agree with you more," Stubby replied. "Property tax is rent you pay to the government to be allowed to live on your own land, which means that you never really own it, and is one of the most heinous and reprehensible of all forms of taxation."
There was now about 50% left of the original piece and Stubby could see that the little fellow, whose mood was turning from irritation to anger, was more keen than ever on getting his hot little hands on the dwindling remainder, fully determined to get his "fair share."
Without bothering to reach towards the boy again, Stubby quickly took two more bites, explaining to the now exasperated child that those two sizeable chomps represented the income tax and the employment tax.
Finally, before the boy could speak again, and in a grand gesture that removed all but a tiny remaining piece of the original, Stubby took a final, huge bite, explaining that this one was for inflation, the biggest tax of all.
At this point Stubby smiled and handed over the remaining scrap, saying, "Here you go. Be sure to vote for me again, OK?"
Mrs. Candles, who had watched this entire drama play out, was clearly ambivalent about the propriety of this particular teaching method on so young and sensitive a youth, and expressed her opinion that perhaps Stubby had been too hard on the boy. Besides, she argued, he couldn't possibly understand "all this" at his age.
"But Darling, I beg to disagree," Stubby replied. "Our young man has just received his first lesson in Social Studies, Keynsian Economics and Constitutional Taxation, all at the same time.
"He may be too young to understand it, but the impression of this experience has been planted and in time will blossom with the application of much further education to follow, all of which can only solidify and augment his path to true understanding."
Whereupon Stubby who is actually a big softie went to the refrigerator for a fresh piece of cheese for his once again smiling son, got out his tattered edition of Bastiat's The Law and began reading aloud to the boy.
Thus passeth another day in the Candles household, in between trading markets, taking out the trash and being careful to discriminate between the two.
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